He walks
Right foot followed by the left
His head a wilted flower
Facing the floor
Hiding the tears
Hiding the fears
And hiding his flowering mind that he finds
Hideous
The day is half over
And he finds himself again
At the nurses office
Facing the ceiling
Always up or down
Never forward

He sits
Knees under his chin
Arms wrapped around them
Suddenly face buried
Rocking back and forth
Repeating the one desire
"I just want to be two years old again"
Tears streaking down his face
Reflecting the television he uses
To drown out his sobs
His wishes going unanswered
His anxiety going out of control
And his mind
Just going
Forced and failed attempts at sleep
Produce nothing but tear stained pillows
And blood shot eyes

He sleeps
The rare nights
Where his fears invade his dreams
Everything intermingling
Mixing and morphing into something
Even he doesn't recognize
All of it terrifying
And all of it
A part of him
A part of his unconscious
All shoved inside the chest of his subconscious
Buried deep inside his mind
Locked with a key it will take forever to find
It never calms
He
Never calms

He wakes
Another paralyzed morning
Chest pounding
Blood rushing
Skin tingling
Stomach pain beginning
He wants to move
To not be wrapped in his straight jacket sheets
Despite their comfort
The day passes through his mind
His life passes through his mind
"What if..."
Every wrong decision possible
Collapsing his determination

He stands
He stumbles
Another false start
Another day off to the wrong start
Gaze returning to his mattress
Hearing the siren song
Promising to soothe his deteriorating soul
But he knows the black hole
Disguised by that black comforter
He can't fall back in

He walks
He sits
He sleeps
He wakes
He stands
He ages
Anxiety his only constant
Anxiety his only promise