Oct 2017
This October is unseasonably warm.
I'm biking home from probably my twentieth job
Dressed up in yet another uniform
Arranging fruit, this one is easy.
Biking down the dark sidewalk,
I smell the rubber of a mask through my nostrils.
Fall out boy. Childhood.
I had an equal part in the garden.
It takes too long to explain why I'm here
And I only want to explain it from a weary ego.
But the universe ate out my insides, left just the mask
I let the universe take control of my body, let it do what it wants
The difference is subtle.
It seems to diminish my anxiety, at least for a little.
I might forget that tomorrow. Or maybe it could be a lasting change.
I don't know yet.
The universe ate me out inside, by forcing me to comply with America
By mistreating me as a child and a young man
And then telling me the offense I took was, in fact, stolen
It was just my ego. Move along. Stop complaining.
Or complain. But just know that won't get you anywhere.
The difference is subtle. It's not some dire matter. I let the universe carry my body, and my face is still. The emotions don't flicker and leak through my face so much. I'm suddenly fine with being Matt Shaw.
I just want to know where this goes.
My ego stops trying so hard. I might grow old and never get to be a rock star. I might die first. I can accept that. I'm already dead. What happens? I'm a social outcast.
My intelligence may have exploded in my brain. Maybe I WAS smarter than my circumstances, but the anxiety of not being understood drove me insane, and now I'm just not there.
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much, and the world will see one day what happened to me. I let the universe carry me.
You don't think I could write a good novel based on this poem, do you?
I bet you think I'm one of those sadsacks who just keeps complaining and blaming their circumstances, I bet you this and I bet you that. Because you do, you **** like that. Stop it right now.
There is a lot I can do. Watch me do it, you petty *******. I hate it when you judge me like that. Yes, I'm nervous right now. They are trying to control me. They don't understand. Watch, I'll get there. I'm still young. I hate you.
I'm biking home from probably my twentieth job
Dressed up in yet another uniform
Arranging fruit, this one is easy.
Biking down the dark sidewalk,
I smell the rubber of a mask through my nostrils.
Fall out boy. Childhood.
I had an equal part in the garden.
It takes too long to explain why I'm here
And I only want to explain it from a weary ego.
But the universe ate out my insides, left just the mask
I let the universe take control of my body, let it do what it wants
The difference is subtle.
It seems to diminish my anxiety, at least for a little.
I might forget that tomorrow. Or maybe it could be a lasting change.
I don't know yet.
The universe ate me out inside, by forcing me to comply with America
By mistreating me as a child and a young man
And then telling me the offense I took was, in fact, stolen
It was just my ego. Move along. Stop complaining.
Or complain. But just know that won't get you anywhere.
The difference is subtle. It's not some dire matter. I let the universe carry my body, and my face is still. The emotions don't flicker and leak through my face so much. I'm suddenly fine with being Matt Shaw.
I just want to know where this goes.
My ego stops trying so hard. I might grow old and never get to be a rock star. I might die first. I can accept that. I'm already dead. What happens? I'm a social outcast.
My intelligence may have exploded in my brain. Maybe I WAS smarter than my circumstances, but the anxiety of not being understood drove me insane, and now I'm just not there.
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much, and the world will see one day what happened to me. I let the universe carry me.
You don't think I could write a good novel based on this poem, do you?
I bet you think I'm one of those sadsacks who just keeps complaining and blaming their circumstances, I bet you this and I bet you that. Because you do, you **** like that. Stop it right now.
There is a lot I can do. Watch me do it, you petty *******. I hate it when you judge me like that. Yes, I'm nervous right now. They are trying to control me. They don't understand. Watch, I'll get there. I'm still young. I hate you.
