Things I don’t want:
To be a someone’s project.
A missionary’s quest for redemption and salvation from their depts owed to their universe
Things I don’t want:
To be imperfect.
To have my mask ripped from my hands
And reveal the cracks across a face of China
The scars I’m trying so desperately to heal
Things I don’t want:
Feelings.
Feelings of abandonment, distrust, insecurity
Things I don’t want:
Feelings.
Feelings that are too sincere
Because sincerity is subjective and unreliable
Things I don’t want:
More nightmares
The kind that happen wherever you sit or stand
That cloud your eyes and make your head hurt
That can follow you like a fog throughout the day, and week,
and month
Things I don’t want:
More tears
And pain
That you can’t find to blame on anyone but yourself
For getting your hopes up again
Even when you know from your past you shouldn’t
Things I don’t want:
To travel backwards
Into a place I hoped I’d never go back to again
Because it was too dark
And draining
And I don’t have that energy to spare again
Things I don’t want:
More sad poems
Because sad poems mean you’re sad in real life
And not just on the lines of a piece of paper
And I just want to be happy