The only light
From the headlights of my car
And from your house windows.
My face buried in your neck
My hand curled around your head.
Your arms sheltering my body
The pressure on my shoulders from your weight
My feet pressed onto my toes
So I can reach you.
Thus we would stay forever
If we had the choice.

Driving away from you
I can’t bear to look back
But I know you’re watching
And my tears are coming too fast
For me to try to control.
I yell into my silent car,
“****!”
The expression of my loss.
Feeling like I was punched in the heart.

When my tears finally subside
- Somewhere near Keene –
You call
And I blurt out short answers
Not able to speak how I feel
Knowing I can succumb
To the swell of agony again
At any moment.
And on the rest of the ride home
Bursting into tears
When there’s a line in a song
That reminds me of you.
But I know if I turned it off
I would break down completely.

Moment after moment
Flashes through my head
Of time we’ve spent together.
The time you told me you loved me.
The time I made you cry.
The time you got me flowers – perfect flowers,
Not the kind I would have hated.
The times we exchanged cutes over texts
Until I couldn’t stand it anymore.
The time we saw each other again
And I couldn’t look you in the eye.
The times I sought you out when I was lonely and hurt.
The times we started drinking together.
The time you looked into my eyes as you removed my shirt.
The time you listened on the phone as I poured out my soul.
The time I swung around a lamppost to face you
When you said something shocking and slightly offensive.
The time you told me my smile was enchanting.
The time I saw your band play a show
The time I told you I loved you.
I see all this and more
In the headlights of my car.