I drove by your trailer the other night.
You had up those large old fashion red, green, and blue Christmas lights
on the two bushes by the front door.
It made me sting.

I wanted to rush inside,
to see you sitting there on your couch,
and to kiss you hard.

I wanted to burry my face in your shoulder and smell you,
cigarettes and all.

A pain I now feel,
A pain I cannot put a name to.

I miss you, I do.
Yet I know my dreams.
I know what I want for myself
For my lover
For my family.
And unfortunately,
as much as I wish it was you,
it
is
not.