i am waiting for my piece of heaven to download
i'm getting ****** because the internet is slow
the modem is mocking the whiny noises in my throat

i am an attempt to stay composed.

i feel gravely important
and foolish when i remember i'm not
distortions. can't be another victim of rot.

i pause as if balanced on a fulcrum
is it me who has you wrong?
or am i held from momentum
by a universe, flawed

but the spiral inside me unwinds,
and i'm back to my nature
back to that taut feeling of urgency
back to blood filling its office seats inside my body
giving color to my cheeks,
giving me that certain shape

will i die suddenly, lopped up by the sickle
of a passing car?

will i fade away, never having quite reached
the peak i have claimed i could reach?

or will i get there, seize the day for my own
and throw myself at death
a complete and happy man?