you were a blip of light in the dark
a firefly floating close to your face
you catch a glimpse in time to see the magic
and then it is gone

like the first sip of a fresh bottle of coke
that doesn't quite taste the same later

although it was a small moment
the smiles and laughs
are ingrained in me like a S + Z in an old oak tree

but now the oak tree has been torn down and forgotten
so now only the memory lives on

i think what hurts the most is your beauty
and how you failed to see it

how every curvature of your being was exactly
what i pictured
perfect would be like

how i felt like i was 16 again swooning over you from the shadows

how every moment i had the opportunity to speak with you
was like a dream come true
but i guess that is exactly it

a dream

something you wake up from and have trouble remembering
you pick for the pieces of shattered glass but they disintegrate with every touch
until the dream in merely a spirit floating in your head
whispering hints of your touch
and how your arms felt around me

IM SO ANGRY
that i only had one moment with you

that I AM SO ******* FAR AWAY
from all the love I want

it could be so different
i'm crying now

i had less than 72 hours with you
and if i could i would replay the night over and over
memorize the details

your kiss

BECAUSE I AM SO ANGRY!!!

this place has robbed me of all of my happiness and i don't know how i'm going to make it out alive....

I'M SO SCARED YOU ******* SCRUB IM SO ******* SCARED

AND YOU AREN'T EVEN HERE ANYMORE TO HELP ME

IM SO ******* SCARED I JUST WANT TO ******* DIE

IM SOBBING

IM SOBBING

IM SOBBING


and then i shut it off

and i am numb






all


over



again