ive been trying
to build a boat that we cant sink out of broken bottles and moldy cigarettes
you think matching tattoos will fix it
you say "what about we get away for awhile"
but i dont think wed be running from the same thing
you said you're fast
but i have stamina
im trying to keep us both from running to the brink
that place you cant get back from
im trying to inject pins and needles into your bloodstream so the numbness of your heart is a distant memory
im trying to power a steam train that only goes in one direction
stop it
from going through the hole in the tracks
the bottomless pit  
moon crater holes in your skull where my words gracefully slip through
and sentences fall to their deaths into oblivion
id say we were doomed to fail but im not a pessimist
you and your swiss cheese heart
that reeks of neglect and bittersweet flesh;
what if we run into each other twenty years in the future
on a random sunny day and we both have kids
and we both say hi in the supermarket
and you laugh because my hair is long even though i always insisted on keeping it short
what if you shook my hand and we just melted into on another like clay
and
we cohered
that day in the supermarket
and we never came apart besides that day we did
and i left you for a beaten back bushy trail
that goes all the way to new mexico
because i never took the time to know myself before i got to know you
and you left me
because you insisted i left you for another man
what if i left you a note on your nightstand
what if i told you i built the boat
could we leave out pasts behind us? would we have that itching feeling to reminisce?
what if in another alternate dimension we weren't really us
what if we met on a different day where we experienced the chain of events that took place in a different order
would i even have a boat?
could i float
without
your hand
outstretched to
hold me
.