Loving you is like the
static ache of sleeping limbs
It’s like yawning when exhaustion makes
your back knot up like yarn it's like
stretching out your fingers till
your shoulders glide again
lavender, soft yellow and red raging
in the rain, tendrils of pink promises
proposing to the sky it's the
first sip of hot chocolate
it is reading
by the fire it is racing home to leave again and sighing under sheets, cradling
my ankles cause they
never felt your lips

Wondering was waking up and finding
only empty rooms, slamming doors and
calling out to
nobody at all,
crossing sidewalks
backwards and ignoring traffic lights,
guided by the sand around my eyes and
in my shoes
worrying was poisonous, it
pinched me all day long,
underneath my armpits and
behind my pen tattoo I
wish I
didn't know you touched her did she
hug her ankles too did she
know how many freckles there are
sleeping on your back

Losing you was cold it was
my heart made out of lead, sinking into
stomach aches and leaning
on the stall, puking out
your promises and pulling out my hair,
counting cuts at midnight checking
ribs for wandering knives it was
the day they put him underground he couldn't drown me anymore and they
said it wasn't anybody's
fault but his alone and it's
weird because i watched and not
a single person cried
until they dropped their chuckling roses onto earth made out of lies,
spitting up aromas of
my brother's drunken wish
I peeled back lazy scars **** I
showed you all that I
had left, hoping you
would stroke my hair and
help me be alive

This second try is
fragile it's a
glass full to the brim, a leather seat
on a summer day
on the far side of the lot, warm enough
to doze off but
too hot to really dream