I remember meeting the girl behind me
in poetry class.

I remember fingerpainting with Jeremy
and loving her
in the grass
by a stream

I remember hills and cold and wine and you

I remember dim-lit rooms

I remember your sister and your parents and your redone bathroom
The hot tub and your dogs and the bed in your room

I remember the traced hands and writing
Under the drape hanging above your bed

Your things were in boxes
But not you, not you.

I remember the singer in your band,
and the drummer in your band,
and your friend from high school.

I remember taking your benzos.

I remember losing my first apartment and moving back home.

I remember that Panic! at the Disco show:
Shut up and dance with me

Moving back to be close to you

Comics and friends, books and loose ends
Arguments and apartments
And dog sitting weekends

I remember me asking for the beans and you spilling them
And trying to hold the beans down
And getting way too mad over them
And throwing your fish at your house,

and driving to Florida and back,
it haunts me.

I remember what it felt like without you around

I remember sending a picture of you
that you said not to send.

I remember saying things
I'd rather not have said.

I remember being blind to Tara and selling my guitar
And cutting myself and arguing with my parents.

I don't need the perfect summer daze

I don't need that song you played
I don't need the things you said
About me
I don't need going to France

I don't need getting engaged

I don't need holding you up with strong arms

I don't need to dominate your ****** desires

I don't need to get dizzy and dance around beach towns,
I only knew you for a year

I don't need to be your friend but I'd love to be your friend
And I could
But that's never going to happen

I don't need that one last word
before we both are dead

I don't need to envy you anymore,
I don't need you
I don't need to compare everything to you
But I'm not sure if i can stop

?
I don't need your legend
So why did it pierce my heart?

!
A year is not that long.
And fear is not an art.