I take another gulp
Maybe then I can feel something.
Something constructed in my head.
A delusional bliss if I keep drinking.
I drink to feel something.
Anything.
Happy?
Comfort?
I don't know something.
Heat from my body pours out of me.
Nothing I can't handle.
Eternally speaking this is nothing.
I need the effect of my drink to sleep.
It calms my horror of reality.
Please forgive me.
Wait don't.
I drink alone.
You don't know This about me.
Why would you?
I masquerade.
You don't know who I am.
I do not either.
I just hide behind poison.
It gets me by.
And I do not ask questions.
Maybe I should.
But I am not that strong.
Father forgive me...
Wait don't.
I don't believe in you.
Like I don't believe I have a problem.