I spent four hours on my knees scrubbing bathroom tiles working though anxiety shining and polishing and ignoring the heat of my burning bridges and scalding the tips of my toes with bleach
and finally after all my toil the second floor bathroom was clean - the blues and greens and chromes and golds clear and shining.
It seemed to me, as I fell on the couch in brief respite, the grime had soaked through my fingers and into my bloodstream and no matter how hard I scrubbed I couldn't polish my insides.