I'm writing this in hopes that you won't tear it up and throw it away... or crumple it up and hit yourself with it or something. I'm writing this in hopes that you'll flip for a second and see things clearly. As they are. Not "as they are" in the way you said last night, when you were accusing your family of wanting to get rid of you.
Granted, I see why you would think I want you gone.
I've been bad to you, mom. When you and dad would fight and you'd push him to the point of violence id get so angry with both of you. Marriage is supposed to be equal and I know everything is also yours, but you and I both know that this house is his. All those times I was red in the face screaming at you to just ******* leave I was trying to get it in your head that things would only get worse if you stayed. I was worried for leaving kayla in an enviornment where you and dad hit each other, where there was no example of real love at all. When you'd lose yourself and start acting crazy, I'd harden my exterior and be short with you and I'm so sorry. I thought that maybe if I acted strong and unbothered, I could really be ok after the **** hit the fan. This leaves me to wonder if you really meant it when you told me that I'd just stand over your dead body with that smirk on my face I always have... was that you saying that? Or was it the paranoid delusions??? Do you really think that I make it easier for you to die?? Have you always been slipping in and out? Right now, as I type this (I know if I were to give it to you I'd have to write it so you don't think it's fake and part of the conspiracy) are you in that place fixating on how much I have hurt you? On how much you cared for me all my life just to be given the cold shoulder in my teenage years? Do you also think about how we will never recover?