I didn’t cry at your wake.
Your lips were painted bright pink
to match your casket
which I called a coffin
and mom
told me those were what
vampires
slept in and
you were an angel
so
it was a casket.

I held your cold hand that day
and half expected you to smile at me
when mom said it looked like you were smiling
probably
because you were in heaven.

And everyone kept saying
you were in a better place
but
I looked and couldn’t find you
anywhere.

And a cousin—
the annoying one who I’d
never met before--
said
Let’s go look at the pretty lady
and I said
She’s dead, stupid.

And then the uncle
who couldn’t remember his name
peed in a chair
and I tried to tell mom
but she just stared at the wall.

And when they lowered your body
into the hole in the ground
I thought
Surely I’ll cry now
and I even pinched myself
but
I couldn’t.