this is a game of russian roulette
where all of the chambers are empty.
I don't know what would happen
if I didn't hear the click before
the next chamber greeted me.
I don't know what would happen
if I actually felt something.

on a good day, I'm the target
that keeps getting missed.
on a bad day, I'm the one
who keeps missing the target.

I don't remember when this
sadness became so cyclical.
I don't remember when I stopped flinching.
I don't remember when I learned to be afraid
that there was nothing to be afraid of.
I don't remember what outcome
I'm supposed to be hoping for.

the longer this goes on,
the more it looks like
happiness and losing the game
are the same way out.