why do all my relationships fail
i used to think it was them
i used to call my friends and place the blame
i used to cry and ask why men are this way

but then it all crashed down
so suddenly it was all thrown in my face
maybe it wasn’t them

i try to run away from the reality
i cover it up with “i don’t knows”
i laugh and forget and start again

but i remember
i remember the days i would cry myself to sleep
as a little girl
every morning and every night
i would hear the fighting and screams
my mom would throw books cds shoes
scream and cry scream and cry
my dad would chase her out the door
shout and curse shout and curse

my older brother would come into my room
and i would hold him tight
and caress his head
“it’ll be alright”

after a few minutes
few hours
the noise would cease
and the house would fall quiet

my mom would find her way to my room
and i would hold her tight
she begged to know why life was like this
why my father was like this

every fight she looked into my eyes
she became quiet
and said i reminded her of my father
and asked why

after my father would find his way to my room
sit on my bed
lean his head back against the wall
look up at the ceiling
and ask why
why we were like this
why we feel this way

then after it all
everyone would be okay
quiet and resolved
forgiven and forgotten
ready to start another day

and i would close the door to my room
finally
gently tuck myself under my blankets
and cry until my insides felt empty
until the sun rose
until the start of a new day
a new fight