I walk these halls and bitter cold rooms
With nothing but the thought of you
And sometimes I begin to wonder
If you did the things, I ponder.
Did you hurt a person badly?
Did you hurt a person, sadly-
I cannot stop these from coming-
Soon begin to fear the following.
Will we last a lifetime like we said?
As we lie down far away in bed.
Nothing goes down, nothing went wrong,
You stay polite as I think of this song.
How did I choose you?
My thoughts begin to shrink;
Nothing in my mind will go in sink-
And now I'm scared, a rhythm plays,
A song I know too well and still I stay.
I love the way to talk to me,
The words you say the way you speak,
And still I wonder why I think of it,
You say it's okay, and we both just sit.
We're quieter than what we were before,
Because I think of deception and of her.
The lies you say she told to them,
The lies you say, they still condemn-
And now I start to cry and hold a tear,
A tear that falls along beside my fear;
Of you I try to trust your word, your voice,
But the more I look, the better choice:
Is this all an act, a ***** game?
Upon a heart of darkness littered pain?
Am I in love, am I in Hell? I feel insane,
A story tell, about a long and ruined road,
A road I walk with me alone.
I say I love you, I say I do,
Questioning my reality too-
Holding your name way up high,
Should I really? Or should I,
Just say the truth and end the lies?
Before we die, before we die...
I want you gone, I need you still,
Just say my thoughts, I have the pills-
I love you, love you more than life!
For this is true I take my knife,
Hold it to my throat and sigh,
I love you, and to this goodnight.
I need you dead, I need you dead,
I see you in the mirror little tear I shed,
Am I dead? God am I dead?!
Is this hell, my Hell just as they said?!
This consant feeling of lifelessness,
I want it gone, need it to end!
I need me to be okay but the more I talk there is just more pain!
Condeming myself, holding myself accountable,
For things I didn't do I am not responsible!
And the feeling of guilt corresses my cheek,
I did nothing hear the words I speak!
It's all my fault I say to me,
I blame myself for I decieve,
Myself and only me, I know my pain it will not leave!
A poem speaks the rath of me,
The rath of me, myself and greed,
It is something I do not behold,
I show my kindness to the world!
And still I talk so mean about myself,
The thoughts I speak hang of my shelf.
They ask why I speak badly of me,
Do they not know what I see?
I am crazy I am sick,
Twisted in the mind I knit,
A woven scarf that I hang by,
A piece of thread to watch the light die.
A needle in my heart and lungs,
Pins and scissors scar the memories of fun!
Oh I am not normal I scream aloud
When no one else is near, around.
I narrate life in third person too.
And still these thoughts were ceased by you.