Autumn Leaves

It was when we were dancing on your bedroom floor-
Spinning on our toes and falling to each others' arms
Hair tangling eyes mistaking yours
For autumn leaves that I realized
I was in love with you.
I promptly raked the leaves back into a straight pile to avoid for centuries
Jealousy, prickling up my skin
As goosebumps from the breeze
That comes when someone else jumps
Into the mountain of leaves that I love

Her hair, caked underneath his fingers
Her eyes, shining down to light up the night
Her voice, a summer-ending serenade
Her laugh, a whistling wind to add more leaves to the pile
I smiled, in agony
Took my shovel and tried to bury you with my heart
To continue having dark nights and quiet days
I am ashamed
I am sorry

It was when my mind and I were dancing on my bathroom floor-
Spinning in my head and falling to my knees
Hair pulling eyes watering as I regurgitated the very last of my pills that I told myself
I could love you
I promptly picked the shovel up and dug where I heard the voice keeping me from dying
Crying as I found that while I was falling in love with you,
You were busy remaking yourself into a playground
For this boy,
Raking yourself up for him to jump into
Over and over again

My spine, cracked underneath his footsteps
My eyes, a sparkling ocean to swim in at night
My voice, the broken glass blues
My sob, sheet music for a guitar out of tune
My room called me inside
Took its comforters and tried to suffocate me
So there was no more night and day,
Only sleep

I know, you're just a girl
But you were also, just my life source
Just my first love
Just the only person who can calm down both me and my mind
I've tried so hard, but I can't find anybody else
Darling, you're a miracle worker
Controlling the winds to build up a world around you that included him, yet kept me alive

It was when your mind and I were dancing on the office floor-
Spinning around in circles and falling into corners
Hair protecting eyes connecting as we forget the world around us that you told me
You loved me
I promptly picked the shovel up and dug where my heart was beating loud and clear
It wasn't too far down
Frowns remember the one you erased from memory
And I want to build you up to never be torn down again
But that would take away his only playground

His mouth, spitting fire at the ground licking the burn marks on my waist
His feet, stomping where the glowing pile of autumn leaves used to be
His hands, grasping at whatever he can find, very likely his own throat
His mind, fighting against the sadness that took over me and will inevitably come to him too
Cruel to do something when you know it would hurt them
To take his actions and reverse them, give him a taste of his own medicine

But fall means recess breaks to fix my loving autumn leaves,
Means crisp air to wipe away his tears
Means grass dies faster than I do
Means autumn leaves fall almost as fast as I fall in love again