it was not until i was seventeen years old that i was finally exposed to the worst feeling in the world, also known as emotional pain. the stinging in your eyes as you inwardly curse yourself for being weak. being the loser of your own battle as you feel the hot streaks down your cheeks. the overwhelming lump in your throat that only gets larger as you fight to pick yourself up. the piercing in your ears as you block out the rest of the world in a valiant attempt to find yourself again.

though sometimes, when you win the war of keeping it all in, the stabbing in your heart intensifies. because nothing went wrong. nothing is wrong. everything is completely fine. i am completely fine.

and then you realise that what you wanted from the beginning was for your heart to be an open book, for your tears to flow freely, for your words to be ingrained in someone else's mind. but you knew you couldn't do that.