I am calm
the butterflies subsided
my palms dry
heart stabilized
steadily beating as I finish the bottles
left empty on the bedside.
I slip into the dress
put on my face
curl my hair
and stare in the mirror
imagining how I'd look
in a few hours time;
the flush of red in my cheeks long gone
skin grown cold
empty eyes.
I lie down
note at my feet
and wait for the numbness
to take me away
so I can find peace