THE STORY OF OUR SAVIOUR'S BIRTH IS ONE WE'VE ALL BEEN TOLD HOW THREE WISE MEN CAME FROM THE EAST THEY WERE BEARING GIFTS AND GOLD THEY TRAVELLED FAR ACROSS THE SAND FOR MANY DAYS ON END AND WHEN THEY WERE ABOUT TO QUIT THEY SAW IT ROUND THE BEND T'WAS NOT THE MANGER THAT THEY SOUGHT FOR IT WAS OUT OF SIGHT BUT WHAT THEY FOUND WAS JUST THE PLACE WHERE THEY COULD SPEND THE NIGHT THE SIMPLE PLACE THAT THEY HAD FOUND WAS MADE OF MUD AND STICKS IT STILL SURVIVES ON TO THIS DAY IT'S NOW CALLED MOTEL 6 THEY SPENT THE NIGHT AND THEN MOVED ON TO FIND THE KING OF KINGS THEY NOW HAD MORE TO GIVE HIM WITH ALL THEIR PRECIOUS THINGS THEY WERE RACKED WITH PAIN AND HAD A CHURNING IN THEIR BOWELS IT WAS CAUSED BY GUILT YOU KNOW BECAUSE THEY'D STOLEN THEIR ROOMS TOWELS IT TOOK TWO WEEKS BUT THEN THEY FOUND THE MANGER THAT THEY SOUGHT THEY CAME ON THROUGH THE LITTLE GROUP TO SHOW THE GIFTS THEY'D BROUGHT THE FIRST WISE MAN, HE GAVE HIS GIFT A SMALL CASE MADE OF GOLD "IT WAS LOVELY TO LOOK AT AND REAL NICE TO TOUCH" "BUT I BROKE AND T'WAS SOLD"! HE LAID IT DOWN BEFORE THE CHILD AND HE MADE A LITTLE SPEECH HE SAID "MY LORD, YOU'LL SOON GROW UP" "AND THE WHOLE WORLD YOU WILL TEACH" FRANKINCENSE WAS THE NEXT GIFT THAT THE MAGII DID LAY DOWN "WE'RE NOT SURE WHAT IT'S USED FOR" SAID THIS WISE MAN WITH A FROWN THE FINAL GIFT THAT THESE THREE GAVE WAS MYRRH AND THIS I FEAR IS SOMETHING WE THINK PEOPLE ALL DAB BEHIND THEIR EARS A BETHLEHEM STAR REPORTER WAS WRITING IN HIS PAD "THE CHILD LOOKS JUST LIKE HIS MUM" "HE DON'T LOOK MUCH LIKE HIS DAD!" THE BABY JESUS ROSE TO SPEAK AS THE MAGGI LEFT FOR ROME "MERRY CHRISTMAS GENTLEMEN" "HAVE A VERY SAFE TRIP HOME"!
With great thanks to Peter Cook and Dudley Moore for the last two lines.