I wish to hide behind the photographs on my wall
To go back to the past and wear the smile I once wore
To hide behind the laughter of my friends
To seek new adventures with fraudulent enthusiasm

I wish to hide underneath my bed
Where I was told monsters emerged
But only musty socks lived there
To find my imagination in the place where child me would go

Finding myself behind closed doors
Muffled screams heard over my covered ears
A pounding in my chest that could only be expressed by a sense of fear and anxiety
Not knowing what would come next

Blink once and the tears begin to fall
Blink twice and your palms moisten
Blink thrice and you can only breathe in scattered rhythms

Do not remember the past
Do not remember the past
Do not remember the past
Do not think about the chances you have to ruin the present
Ruin the present
Ruin my future

Your chest begins to tighten
Everything is too loud but the screams you hear are the ones you’re yelling at yourself

Calm down
Calm down
Calm down

Irrationality consumes you
You cannot think about your sanity
Only think about the pressure on your chest
Being crushed under piles of rocks that are your thoughts
The feeling of being buried alive while still holding your head above the water

Rocking back and forth as if you were in a rocking chair
Pulling at your arms as if they had dry glue on them
Bang your head against the walls that keep closing in on you

Blink once and the tears begin to fall
Blink twice and your palms moisten
Blink thrice and you can only breathe in scattered rhythms

You’re making rhymes out of your pain
Clapping your hands to keep them from tearing your skin
All the while hoping you have enough courage to drive your car into the river