We talked about undelivered letters today and it felt like a good title for this... well. undelivered message.

when i was younger i'd get excited at the thought of having feelings for someone and i would hop to writing about it, even hoping the feelings would grow deeper.

now i wish feelings wouldn't bloom because i know it wouldn't work out, and i don't want to cause more misery in your life.

At the same time, i wonder if these are what feelings really are. You left a few hours ago and i miss you. i wonder if you miss me too. i wonder if i'm still on your mind. Its hard to figure out what's going on in my head.

"If I Could Tell Her" keeps playing in my mind. not the whole song, but just the "if i could tell her" line. maybe it means something, or maybe its just stuck in my head.

I wish i could tell you that i think you're amazing. not in the friendly way that i say it to hype you up. that i genuinely think you're amazing. i fear that if you knew this, it'd scare you off. you didn't sign up for feelings; you signed up for a friend.

i wish i could tell you how much i love that you're so hilarious and energetic despite all your struggles. you literally light up the room. when mrs molledous was talking about how funny you were when you were dancing on stage at rehearsal, my mind automatically compared you to brynn. on more than one occasion i remember thinking that i wished brynn was more out going like you. i was faithful to her and i never let these thoughts fester but... i knew if i let it fester i could develop feelings for you.

i wish i could tell you that there were times that you made my heart leap. times you didnt even mean to. times i wasn't even aware that my heart would beat that way.

I talk about guys and i talk about my ex but i'm not into any of them. I hate myself for it but im into you. i kept my eyes forward when you were singing and dancing in the car because when i looked at you i wanted to kiss you. i know i shouldn't but i did. i wanted your arms around me on the fourwheeler. It makes me sad to think about you wanting someone else or being with a guy. it makes me sad to think that your mom hates me. i could never tell you these things. rejection would be too awkward and you're my best friend but. idk.

if i could tell her...