Give me something dark and deep
Like a mulled red wine
Long hair unhealthy and wavy
Sparkling in the sun
I see all our past vacations
Interweave and remind me
Of what I hoped to be bliss
Like the shake of a gun
Gone, gone, gone, gone.

One of the ways I deal and cope
Is I write
I write and fight it out with myself
Or shoot with a camera
Lead
Hope for some type of catharsis.

Sometimes I think I've grown to become obsessed with myself
And I strive for a 360 degree awareness
I hope my mama sleeps well tonight.

I cannot ever fully explain all my battles
As I try to need less
I suppose we could think of it that way.

For a long time I thought I was supposed to be
This thing
And as time goes on
I'm so none of those things.

An act of war
Or perhaps just a simple moment
The things that are about to be required of me
Will be the most challenging yet
And as I walk down the side walk
And take on the brutality of this life
Entertainment
I think in my mind
In my head
And even a little in my heart
"Turn around and leave"

Just like that fleeting feeling
I got the days or the nights
It was always a night..
Where I flung myself out the door
Out of a cab
Down the street
Never quite slowing down
Or running towards.

But I don't go
I endure the hardships of building
Nothing into something
The aloneness I often feel
And struggle to actually articulate
But I don't go
I don't run
Or fling myself away

I stay
I stay
And I know I'll figure out a way
To do it all.