How do I put this?

I often long to write about you
And what went down between us
But I reassure myself with
"It's just so over."

Remember the California trees
And how you first loved to take pictures of me
Taking pictures.

Sparkling lit up tree
In Southern California
I wore a v neck to **** a pack of men
Slipping and simmering in blood
Playing with volume
Velocity.

A street was lit up
So green
I remember washing my face
In the first place we stayed
And like a montage of
Washing
Washing
Rinsing


When we talk now
It's to painful to go on
So I often bring it to a halt
Are you lonely?

My girls that have constant lovers
I often have to remind myself
That they cannot really fathom what this is like
I had the person who was supposed to my person
I had to leave that person.

And sometimes I hope and wonder
When I feel down
Surely they see that, they know that
And endow me with a lot of respect
Most women would never of left.

But it doesn't matter what most would of done
Because I'm not most
Never have been.

I don't know
I don't know that I'm all that special
And I'm not what I thought I'd be
I guess
In my pink bedroom
Nothing but darkness
My balanced scales breathing into the solitude
At long last