The coffee to help me stay awake
afraid to sleep for the terrors that haunt my dreams
Can't force myself to eat
I will just throw it up again
I can't escape this hell
swirling in my veins
making my head spin
running from everything
punishing myself for every mistake
knowing that i am dirt
and will never be anything more
the shakes from the cold are the
only thing that can comfort me
shaking from the pain
and taking pleasure
in the discomfort