Why I did it, I did it for comfort, distraction, I did it because it was the only thing I could hold on to when everything else slipped away,

Why I did it, I did it to try and understand what was wrong with me, when I felt so weak it made me feel some sort of reassurance that I can’t explain,

Why I did it, I did it so I could gain some sort of relief even if it only lasted for a short time,

Why I did it, I did it to be able to shed tears about something other than what was going on, to try and shed tears that had even just a tiny bit of purpose,

Why I did it, I did it because I wasn’t strong, time and time again I fell into its hands and it held me and I became like a moth unto a flame,

Why I did it, I did it as my world crumbled around me, as I dodged spikes and stones the one thing I couldn’t avoid was falling into its hands, I wanted to be free but it wouldn’t let me go,

Why I did it, I did it so I could take out my anger in a way that would remain permanent but it was not what I truly wanted, it was something that led to my falling further and further from any hope of emerging from the rubble of my life,

Why I did it, I did it because I wasn’t in control of who I was, I’m not in control of who I am or what I shall become, the darkness closes in around me, as my tears drop I lose myself once more,