Who do you turn into
When the mornings lose their splendor
And have nothing left to offer
But another set of steps
And what does it feel like
To breathe fire, so deep
You **** your inner child
Because they shouldn't have to live like this
There's a million reasons why
All the eyes, behind your eyes
Are haunting
You've seen and known
So much
And it's eating you
The way you eat
The insides of your cheeks
When you're too nervous
The way you walk says
"I've drowned four times"
Once in childhood
Twice in the pool, on purpose
And a fourth in the bottle
On top of the fridge
And who am I writing to
What voice am I using
Am I as scared as last time
Am I half as empty
Fill me up with gold
So I can sell out
One last time
And I'll disappoint you then, too
I am in shambles
Wrapped in cables
Freshly broken
Thrown against the tarmac
Taking off to new horizons
In hell
And I can't tell you how it feels
To bleed so much
Your ears scream
For something other than your heart beating
Because you can't stand the sound
Ringing
And when you fill up the tub again
And everything smells like iron
You can't take it
This parasitic body
That you just want to ****
But that means losing yourself
Deeper and deeper
And it buries itself
Nesting
Hiding in your sins
It moves behind your eyes
Everything you've ever done
Wrapped up in a blanket
Pink and new
And you pushed it so far away
But the idea
Draws you back
Like a magnet the size of the sun
Maybe things aren't that bad
Maybe I'm not the medication
And then you ran so far
So far away
Because the thought of being human again
Hurts too much
And now it's just
Grasping at straws
Chasing breadcrumbs
Trying to remember
How it feels to be here
To really be here
Father
Son
Holy Ghost
The trinity to save us
The triage of forgiveness
And yet I can't face them
You can't grasp a white robe
With muddy hands
And so we try to do it ourselves
Hamsters on the wheel
And someday maybe
After years of evolution
We'll figure out
How to get out of the cage