Lately I think
It's been hard to function
Because of how bad I miss you
For when the lights looked like white to you
And how silly you would be
I miss your carefree spirit
It's been a while.

I pine for that stupid sweater
When all it did was rain
You held me in the snow once
Do you remember
Do you remember all the breakfasts
Do you remember how you couldn't stop kissing me
If your life depended on it

I guess I never focused on
The memories of yours
They never seemed like they'd go away
And now
The only thing I want
Is to watch you play beer pong that first time
All over again
And to break my charger one more time
To see your sleepy eyes at 6 am

I never got to ask too much
Id only heard the stories
Until he told me everything
He told me how he knew
And that he watched all of us
A God complex, but one we were all okay with
Even though being outside made him
"Claustrophobic"
I'll never forget that line

Not for as long as I live.


Without you here
Things are
Meaner
Things aren't
Quite upright
It's like everyone taped their lives back together
Because they had to work
And didn't have time to really fix anything
Or to go for groceries
Or to sleep really

I know that if I could wish for one thing
I don't even think I'd cure cancer
And I couldn't take the taxes on a million.
Maybe I'm an *******
I'd want to watch you watching people again
I'd want to see the love of my life
Be the love of my life
All over again
From the beginning
Because without you
He's buried under phone calls and worry
I've never seen love before I saw him

And you were honest so I did what you said
I watched his eyes light up for a big hair bow
You sent me messages
At the same time... just to embarrass me
And I watched him tell me all your stories
I remember when I told you I would come over
But I never did
And now I never will
When I owe you so much
And half my future was a gift from you
And I owe you
So much
I owe you
Everything

and yet
I was looking at a few drops of water
In my boat
On the ocean
There was so much more
Than I'll ever know
But for now I guess
We'll have to taste you.
The cigarettes
"Smoother than coffee"
Are a reminder

And I hope you got to meet the god I believe in
Because someday
I want to tell you thank you
And hug you like I never got to
Because I owe you
So much.

We all miss you
so much.