Not today will I stand to fall back down. I’ll begin to swell my eyes into bodies of water that no one really knows what’s underneath. I won't reply to your text, because you do that to me. Leave me on read as if I’m a book from your childhood that you forgot even existed. You’re waiting. For a response I’m guessing. But I can’t respond. I just write because I can see what’s happening to me instead of just feeling it. I really really like you, this is the longest, first true relationship I’ve ever been in. This time I’ll leave you on read. You can have a dose of what the silent treatment is. Am I first on your priority list? I say this because I know you hang out with your guy friends and never have time for me. I can’t lie to myself because I want this relationship to be my final. I have to know what my heart feels and you say you have to clean up the mess you made. How big of a mess did you make?? And does it take you all day? I knew coming into this it hurts either way. But for god sakes I don’t want it to end this way. I’m not giving up, letting go of the rope of uncertainty. Because with what you’ve said it seems like you like me a lot. A lot a lot. I know there are things you have to do. Like, your dad’s home so I can’t come over. What were you planning? I love your kisses and intimate moments, but is that all you like about me? I’m upset and angry because it makes me feel better. That I can depend on myself more than anyone else. You work everyday and are completely unemployed from my life. I want to work on this, but I know you’ll never read this, as will anyone else. That’s not the point of writing this. I just wanted to, without words, tell him how I felt. Excuse after excuse, I’m starting to expect a “no.” But I can’t stat waiting-I have to keep going. We’re already treading on water and the age difference doesn’t help. My dad already doesn’t the relationship, and maybe he is too immature. He’s going to be a sophomore in high school and I just graduated high school. He still has a lot of memories to make.