I think when someone looks at you,
you want them to discover
the silent pain that wells up
inside, as dark as the night

the blinding, harshness of
reality like concrete
like how it hurts when you
grind your teeth as you trip
over the same cracks over and
over again

the coldness that erupts from
the observatory stationed in your mind,
an eternal judgement being played out
whenever you're around people
of whom you can't ******* stand

the emptiness that echoes
through the hollow tunnel of
your mind, when you sit there alone
on the train tracks, trying to smoke
your dreams out, while you wear a
name tag and a fake smile and
be surrounded by nothing that
matters in the end

sparks, flashing and sizzling,
like when you see pieces of yourself
in others and catch a glimpse of hope,
a second of desire in a will to live
for once, there might be others
someone might actually care
a fire ignited in your chest

a falling fear, a surrounding environment
of darkness, drowning you, choking you
with your panic and despair, like how
when you were first born and didn't
know if you would live or not
if your parents would keep you or not,

a silent wail of despair and lost hope
echoing throughout the night,
as your eyes rain on the pillow
and you pull on the strings hanging
from the stars and the moon, and you
beg someone or something up there
to take you away,

a warmth radiating from someone
a hand you lace your fingers through,
a smile to memorize, and heart to outline
three words to say over and over again
never knowing if you both mean it,
but loving it anyways

a difference, a light in the eyes
saying, I'm different,
I'm not like them, a purpose in
ever step taken, a reassuring voice
of your conscience saying
they can never destroy you because
you're different, even though sometimes
you admit to yourself that they
were just words all along

I think when someone looks at you,
you want to see yourself from
their eyes, feeling sorrow
and gladness and more sorrow,
for that's one of the things that
has made you who you are
but you also want hope and love
and a steady guiding heart
a smile, a hand

I think when someone looks at you
underneath all the layers and
imperfections, they see who you
really are, the stripped down version
of a ******* mess

I think when someone looks at you,
you want their understanding
to finally free your hidden agonies.