i feel worse now
than i did last year

it didn't hit me until several hours later
but a year later and its hitting me even harder

i don't know who to talk to
i don't know how to move on

my dad can't know what happened
but his brother knows

because its happened to him
and no one else knows that

except for me
and my siblings

its so ****** up

how someone could do that to another person

and then go on completely fine
as if nothing happened
as if they have done nothing wrong
as if they haven't ruined someones life over their decisions

i just don't know what to do anymore

i thought i could do this
but I've become weaker and weaker
as the days go on

i want to cry
and break down

but i have classes to attend
and my health to keep up with

i don't even know if its all worth it anymore

i want to give up
but at the same time i want to keep going

i want a future
with my soulmate
and kids

but i want to give up now because part of me thinks i can't do it
i can never move on from this
and deal with this properly