I feel as if, the world conspires against me. Wondering day by day just how it is going to get in my way. Gone it seems has the flavor that colored my actions with interest. Left only with the barest of actions that inspire the desire and thirst for life. I feel as if I labor in vain like Sisyphus cursed to push my ambitions up the hill of my toil just to have them rolled back to where I began. I grow weary of this existence, tire easily at this fate. My mind finds an escape to wonder blissfully of paths never taken of how good life could have easily been. And so I begin to question my self as I sit alone on this abysmal shelf with nothing more than my thoughts to keep me company. What is the point of this seemingly pointless journey.  Why do I toil like a simple servant advancing the goals of others while mine own sit there neglected. It is a question that I on many a occasion have reflected, as I stood time and time again bereft of any goal or ideal. Is it merely character that is being built, others will tell me that I build morals that will serve me in my future. Still others commend me for the sacrifice I show, and for a time I grow content with that. But in the end I find that I have not moved, have not progressed in anyway that I can see. So I go on to deep myself worthless, and my mind and body dull from their lack of use. I have ambition more than I can handle. What I seem to continually lack is the resource then the resolve to see it to completion. I see the ones who have climbed to the heavens to dine with God himself and I ask myself. What do I miss? What don't I know? What has escaped me such that I cannot seem to soar higher than this meager place. And yet an answer does not show it's self to me. And so I stay and ponder these things. Where the answer will come I do not know. Where I will go, I have nothing but the question mark as an answer to show. But somehow I know that someday I shall move past this blocked way. And there lies the hope I hold closely that in the end my work and my toil will not be wasted. Not be put under the tag of useless. I hold that hope and that is the way I continue to press my way through this world.