When he let me go he said it was because his will to love was even  weaker than his will to live.
He needed time to process the art of living I suppose
Or maybe he just wanted to be clever instead of saying he couldn't imagine me holding his hand in an aquarium anymore.
Last time I saw him I had no idea this was coming.
I saw him only 3 nights before he ended it. I remember he laughed at me when I cried and begged to kiss him just a-little longer. I guess now I know why he didn't ask for pleasure that night. I guess now I know why he didn't say "i like you" back as I laid across his lap fully exposed. I guess now I understand why he always stared at me across the table with a longing look in his eye. I remember that night he kissed the middle of my spine and i remember it being the wildest form of intimacy I have to date. Although his kiss didn't put me on cloud nine, only one boy has done that. I am grateful he has left me onto better things and better beings. I don't think I loved him but I do think I learned what it's suppose to look like. I think it's suppose to be remembering small things, and dreams of road trips, and 9am breakfast runs, but I also think it means giving your heart willingly and fully. Something his self harming heart couldn't give me. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you for walking me up a mountain, thank you for showing me I deserve the flowers that bloom at the very edge of the hilltop.

(v.m)