I was cleaning out the fridge today

And in the back I found this "thing"

It was furry, soft and squishy

From the mind of Stephen King

I didn't want to touch it

It looked like a tangerine

But, from all the fur and oozy stuff

I don't know what it had been

I knew I had to move it

But I wasn't sure quite how

I'd seen things much more appealing

Come from the rear end of a cow

I emptied out the other stuff

I put them in the sink

I was left with this small land mine

That really had a stink

I needed some protection

Before I tried to grab this bomb

so, I closed the door real quiet

And I went to get some on

I put on swimming goggles

To protect my eyes in case

It exploded when I grabbed it

And it jelly-fied my face

I then grabbed my old rain coat

And put it on all front to back

So my front was well protected

In case this thing chose to attack

Hockey gloves to save my hands

Work boots were for my feet

All this to dispose of this

Thing that people eat

I opened up the door again

And as I looked inside

I could swear this thing was throbbing

And it had grown to twice it's size

I slammed the door and grabbed a beer

I had some in the sink

I had to get this thing destroyed

I needed time to think

I called up both my neighbors

I said "Evacuate" the street

I told them I was killing

Some thing that people eat

I couldn't tell them what it was

Because I wasn't sure

I must have bought it months ago

But I didn't know what for

If I knew that this would happen

If the expiration passed

If I knew this when I bought it,

I would have eaten it real fast

I went to get the garbage

I put three new bags inside

I would put the thing inside one

And would then get all three tied

I'd run it to the dump myself

But, I'd have to freeze it first

Because, Imagine what would happen

If the plastic bags had burst

One more thing I had to do

was get some stuff to hide the scent

I thought I'd get some vapo rub

So off to search I went

Now, all prepared and goggled up

in raincoat and in gloves

I was set to grab this thing

For push had come to shove

I opened up the door and there

Where the thing had just now been

Was nothing, not a single thing

Where was my thing of green?

It didn't get out on it's own

And no one would eat it up

The only one who'd like it

Was our garbage eating pup

It was at this point I saw my son

Rolling outside like a log

Playing with our whirling dervish

He had fed it to the dog!!