I think you disgust me
(most likely)
because I do not wish to enjoy you.
I chastise myself and my poor judgement
every time you cause that dreaded ***** smile on my lips.
And yet
it continues.
I think you instigate my anxiety
because your manners and unnecessary attentiveness
make my stomach squirm
in a most grotesque way
and I feel that I do not deserve such respect from such a sweet soul.
Oh, if I could,
I would hate you.
I would say terrible things to others,
but it'd be all lies
because you are all anyone could ever desire ,
a tragic example of how every male should behave.
I feel so inadequate, so vulnerable,
so terribly close and alone with you
that I must shove a barrier between us
and lust for a boy
who's as distant and hurtful
as me.