I buried myself in my own body so don't ask me why the words on my lips taste like tombstones or why I wake up in the middle of the night startled as if I can listen to the rattled ache of old bones colliding against one other inside my self because the muscles have decayed off long ago.

2. I have swallowed enough tears and choked on enough words to create a sea inside of me so don't ask me why I walk sometimes as any moment I might collapse under my own weight if you don't know how it feels like to have your organs soak water and later drown in it. Don't tell me pressure gets to you too sometimes if you don't know how it feels to have your insides fight your own skeleton and skin to get out.

3. I sleep a lot or not at all. My sleeping pattern is a perfect symbolism of how I feel things. Either I'm overwhelmed or numbed except no one ever notices cause my lights are always on. My friend once joked that I'm too old to be afraid of monsters. God bless her sweet, innocent heart. She did not need to know that I carry the monster with myself to my bed, that sometimes the monster walks around her wearing my face but guess that's okay. To them I'm a happy girl who likes to write sad poems. As if sadness is a persona I'm trying to adopt cause it's a trend. But ignorance is Bliss. I'm counting on them to always deny that things are worse than they look when the signs are glaring them in the eyes. Their ignorance is not just their Bliss, but my liberty.

4. One of my friend while reading about someone's suicide asks me why would you want to trade all that's out there for an oblivion. I looked her in the eye and told her that it's cause they notice no difference except for the extra pressure that life brings, the constant reminder that you should be out there just doing something.. You know, living the life and all and knowing that you're supposed to want to feel something but you don't, don't want to at all, is tiring. Existing is tiring. Or so they think. It's not like I'd know, I add lamely to differentiate myself from them.

5. I'm always sad but I have never let that prevent me from being happy. It's really sad, and it's really funny that I have never been truly happy and never been truly sad. A hopeful present always brings me a smile, or death. Depends really. And the regretful present is enough to sober me at my happiest moments.

6. Sometimes my days feel like a continued extension of night, my life a silent movie but with the sad bg music where I'm the only character that does not know its role or which scene is going on. Sometimes it feels like I have long exhaled my last breath and my mind has not just caught up to the fact that I might be dead