it still hurts to hear,
that I'm not "that girl"
you had been looking for;
I'm not the girl with the body,
that never disappoints;
and a smile pasted on her face.
I'm not that girl,
because I cry at
4:00 in the afternoon,
because no one
seems to be listening.
and maybe it's because
you don't like that I'm
the type of person to
laugh too loudly at jokes
that weren't even that funny.
it still hurts to know that I won't
be that girl.
I'm not that girl
because I don't have the sharpest mind,
and my eyes don't glimmer
like the girls' in the movies...

but if you let me, oh god if you really let me, I would love you with my whole heart.
I would love you
until
it would absolutely
tear me apart.
I would fight for you.
everyday I'd fight.
and I maybe then I'd start to believe I was good enough for you;
that the love I'd fill you up with
would be satisfactory.
but at this point it seems like,
not.
because I'm not that girl
you had been searching for.
the hardest part it, is the fact,
that when I look at you
all I see is love.
and when you look at me,
all you see is a girl that is helplessly
in love with you.
and when you'd kiss me,
I feel the world stop moving-
like we were statues in an art museum.
and when you kiss me,
all you felt was my lips
against yours.

and it is still hard. it's still hard even when I say
"it is what it is".
it still hurts even when
I drown out my thoughts and feelings.
it will always hurt.
and I look in the mirror,
and wonder where I may have went wrong
where I wasn't that perfect dream
girl.
and still I believe,
that I would love you until the
end of time.

r.h.
-you're still my muse