i am tired
of feeling this way.
tired of feeling like
every breath,
every move,
every thought
is irrelevant.
tired of feeling like
i don't matter,
like i'm not needed,
like all i do
is ruin things.
have you ever heard
the story
where everything he touched
turned to gold?
well it seems like
everything i touch
turns to waste,
unwanted.
my mind.
my mind won't let me
sleep at night,
screaming at me
the things that
i regret,
the things that make me feel
so guilty,
so ashamed.
i never meant
for those things to happen,
but they did,
and it's dragging me down,
i'm kicking and screaming,
trying to break free,
but i can't.
it's too hard
and i'm growing weak,
barely breathing,
barely living,
just a shadow
of who i used to be.
i want to be
alive again.
i want to feel again.