May 2017
About my friend Andrew commiting suicide and the effects it had on me after.
Under
The
Gun
Back bend
Bend back
Tear crushed rip
Under
The
Gun
Pressure building rising
mounting
rising higher
than ever before
I stood there alone wishing to be catapulted back into your stare
That 2 quarter sun
I stood on a snowy bridge hoping to be part of free light
Cutting shadows at right angles from tall buildings and mountains in various places between time zones
I stood frozen in winter storm staring down at your memory as if a leaf passed by me on the swift river current,
I stood gazing hard into that cold river water wishing to see past shadows
Wanting to penetrate illusions for one more chance to see your face laugh
Only You could see me, only You could feel me
Wanting to give up
Under
The
Gun
Under
The
Frozen
Tree
Her long branches sweeping the grass in 360 degrees
but still her protection could not save me
While I tried to fall asleep
Half dead by the thought of your death
7 degrees out
Back pressed hard into frozen pine needles,
Each one seemed to stab me with scattered puzzles
Of elusive memory I could hardly see
I lay there curled up as time brought your face to me in waves
And each piece of memory I could not stitch back together
With my mortal, clumsy hands
Under
The
Gun
Sweating bullets to find you as you were
Clean clear crisp
With music blasting from your room and us,
2 rebels trying to express that hard, undying rebellion swelling wide and contagious inside us.
It out grew the planet, soared into another galaxy and took over
Back bend
Bend back
Crushed
Tear
Rip
Under
The
Gun
Pressure building
Mounting
Rising
Climbing
Rising
Higher than ever before
Under
The
Gun
I lay there thinking how much I wanted to float away with that leaf that just went past me
Down the river to the sea
I lay there
Under
The
Gun
Remembering when our struggle to find beauty in our souls
Clashed like Iron swords against our own created demons,
When our own battle sent us into the underground
To find a voice of reason, to express our fiery rebellion into mics
That knew our rage.
Under
The
Gun
I lay there dreaming about that time in LA
When we were walking and you pretended to be crazy
“Watch This” You said. You put your hands on your head and took off, screaming to yourself,
Some kind of free rant screeching from the streets of the ******.
Your wild eyes piercing at the sidewalk
Your speedy gait so perfect while you plowed past people as if you just escaped the loony bin.
Your black anarchy jacket patched with punk bands glowed under the decadent LA lights like exiled stars.
Everyone on Hollywood Boulevard ignored you, if I hadn’t known you I would have too.
You had me convinced you were just as insane as anyone else who I’ve seen do that.
You secretly became my hero in that moment.
You made me fall to my knees in laughter, the stars on the sidewalk sparkled, all my worries dissolved.
It was a gut wrenching bout with hilarity.
Needless to say hilarity kicked my ***
remnants of puzzles is all I have now
Every night I lay there dreaming, trying to see elusive pieces of memory floating far away at sea.
Under
The
Gun
I breathe
Waiting for a final bullet
To find me
Please please please
Send me to my friend
Floating far away at sea…..
Under
The
Gun
Back bend
Bend back
Tear crushed rip
Under
The
Gun
Pressure building rising
mounting
rising higher
than ever before
I stood there alone wishing to be catapulted back into your stare
That 2 quarter sun
I stood on a snowy bridge hoping to be part of free light
Cutting shadows at right angles from tall buildings and mountains in various places between time zones
I stood frozen in winter storm staring down at your memory as if a leaf passed by me on the swift river current,
I stood gazing hard into that cold river water wishing to see past shadows
Wanting to penetrate illusions for one more chance to see your face laugh
Only You could see me, only You could feel me
Wanting to give up
Under
The
Gun
Under
The
Frozen
Tree
Her long branches sweeping the grass in 360 degrees
but still her protection could not save me
While I tried to fall asleep
Half dead by the thought of your death
7 degrees out
Back pressed hard into frozen pine needles,
Each one seemed to stab me with scattered puzzles
Of elusive memory I could hardly see
I lay there curled up as time brought your face to me in waves
And each piece of memory I could not stitch back together
With my mortal, clumsy hands
Under
The
Gun
Sweating bullets to find you as you were
Clean clear crisp
With music blasting from your room and us,
2 rebels trying to express that hard, undying rebellion swelling wide and contagious inside us.
It out grew the planet, soared into another galaxy and took over
Back bend
Bend back
Crushed
Tear
Rip
Under
The
Gun
Pressure building
Mounting
Rising
Climbing
Rising
Higher than ever before
Under
The
Gun
I lay there thinking how much I wanted to float away with that leaf that just went past me
Down the river to the sea
I lay there
Under
The
Gun
Remembering when our struggle to find beauty in our souls
Clashed like Iron swords against our own created demons,
When our own battle sent us into the underground
To find a voice of reason, to express our fiery rebellion into mics
That knew our rage.
Under
The
Gun
I lay there dreaming about that time in LA
When we were walking and you pretended to be crazy
“Watch This” You said. You put your hands on your head and took off, screaming to yourself,
Some kind of free rant screeching from the streets of the ******.
Your wild eyes piercing at the sidewalk
Your speedy gait so perfect while you plowed past people as if you just escaped the loony bin.
Your black anarchy jacket patched with punk bands glowed under the decadent LA lights like exiled stars.
Everyone on Hollywood Boulevard ignored you, if I hadn’t known you I would have too.
You had me convinced you were just as insane as anyone else who I’ve seen do that.
You secretly became my hero in that moment.
You made me fall to my knees in laughter, the stars on the sidewalk sparkled, all my worries dissolved.
It was a gut wrenching bout with hilarity.
Needless to say hilarity kicked my ***
remnants of puzzles is all I have now
Every night I lay there dreaming, trying to see elusive pieces of memory floating far away at sea.
Under
The
Gun
I breathe
Waiting for a final bullet
To find me
Please please please
Send me to my friend
Floating far away at sea…..
