You reminded me of safety Every time we spoke My body trusted yours inexplicably If only you knew If only you knew
How my body has a mind of it's own and recoils at the close proximity of maleness
But not you. It trusted you.
I was reminded of the last time I trusted boys Before I was ripped by him Before I grew up
When boys were my friends, and taught me about loyalty Boys who I could trust Boys who washed me naked in the shower when I'd played rough Boys who slept beside me to keep me safe Boys who were fun Boys who saw me as a human Back when I saw myself as a human
Before my human-ness was taken Nauseating kisses Adoration lies Tip bourbon over my head when I cry hold me down closed fist on my head abuse me until I bled And I cry and I bleed and the pain is worst in my soul though there are bruises on my body
Tell me I'm a crazy ***** and I have no hope and I'm useless I've wasted all my talent and I will be nothing without him and I am ***** and I am a mess and I am not a real woman I can't cook I can't clean "How will you feed that baby in your belly?" and you need to lose weight you're getting fat and fit people are only attracted to fit people and you dress like a boy I don't wanna **** a boy and you dress like a child (Wait, I am a child.) You're lazy and you're stupid and your Mum's useless too and your brother is a kitchen-***** and he's weak coz he does everything you ever ask of him. You're the reason I have to drink.
Laugh at me when I cry.
Why don't you love me? I love you! Please just give me a hug.
So he hugs me and crushes me so I can't breathe Who knew someone could make hugs vicious
Even when I escaped him I couldn't escape him
Hate like nothing else I know he wants me dead
I want me dead too.
I learn to love but not with my body Not with my body. My body is mine now. Finally mine.
I love and I love but I float unconnected I'm lost but I love I know in my soul I am worthless But I love and I love
I know I am worthless because I am no-ones priority But I love and I love
And now you're here.
Reminding me of safety Every time we speak
And I sit beside you comfortably and I wonder why the smell of the beer on you Isn't making me feel sick tonight
Talk thoughtfully of politics And Lady Gaga Win me over
I am comfortable in your arms I know you're attracted but I still feel safe and I wonder how And I wonder And there's a shooting star I wonder What would it be like to kiss this beautiful, safe man So I kiss you and it's sweet and gentle and kind And I wonder And I wonder