i know im supposed to be thinking about him. Hes in pain. Ya know?

He told me he tried to **** himself. Screamed. "Its all your fault" over and over. That im socially *******. That he wanted to hit me but he didnt he just shook my body and shoved me and pulled my hair and i just need to tell someone about how he kept coming in and throwing my body around and grabbing my face and screaming at me for hours

Some days he texts me all day and it doesnt matter if i reply or not, if i say "i love you. Youre good." or "*******." its the same story. He said "Cut your worthless anorexic bulimic body" and "Selfish ****" and "Youre ruining my life" "Maybe you'll find a new guy with a small **** who makes you feel like you matter. You dont. He just wants to have an ******."

Hes proud of the fact that hes never hit me. Ever. He said he wanted to, threatened to, said the dark side of him was telling him to break the glass in front of us and **** me then himself.

I dont tell people. Im scared. If i told him, hed die of guilt.

He said i wanted this. Its my fault, and i wanted this. And maybe, detached speculation, he's right. Maybe i beg for it in the darkest, truest part of me. And that scares me.