a hypocrite.
you made me one.
and to be quite honest
I’m a tad bit irked at you

because I promised myself, I
really did
promise I wouldn’t feel this way,
told myself I’d stay above the influence
of the oh-so-popular chemical switches
that get so dizzily thrown for
a happy distortion of reality
because that’s what it all is, isn’t it?
it’s chemicals,
reactions in your brain
and I promised
I promised
I wouldn’t go all weak kneed all
fluff brained all
googly doe eyed, not
for anything not
for anyone and certainly
not for you
(no offense)

but I guess here we are.
I’ve broken my promises
and it’s 100% your fault

who told you you could do that?
tell me
who gave you the rights
to my heart because surely,
surely it couldn’t have been me?
oh please tell me it wasn’t me
i’ve never surrendered anything
not already stolen.
nothing not already stolen
but you’re not a thief
so why do I rest in your hands?
I really don’t understand
how you made
the queen of anxiety herself
let go of something for once.

and kid, I don’t know what to do about
how everything is suddenly clouded by you
because I sat down to write today
unable to not think about the way
your breath kept hitching
when I ****** your neck
how the little spasms in your chest
got quicker and harder
the deeper I went
how your eyes closed
and your mouth was open
your lips quivering like they held back a sea
how your eyebrows were pressed
but then relaxed
and the way that you kissed me
when I got back to your lips
like every cell
in your body
depended on it.

you tasted like love
I don’t know how else
to say it
but you tasted looked sounded
smelled and certainly
felt like love
so cut the crap.

I forgot to think about chemicals then
I forgot to worry
about what was real or not
I forgot
I was so caught
so caught
so caught up in you
I forgot how to be scared
I forgot myself
I forgot everything I’ve ever believed
I forgot what it means to breathe
to the rhythm of anything
but the beat of your heart
and the touch of your hands.

either I’ve been wrong for forever
or I’m lying to myself now
but nothing has every felt more real
than this
more real than you, so
let me just say it–
I think I might love you.