I thought that one day I wouldn't be angry anymore
But I'm still boiling inside.
I thought that anger was like fire
No matter how long it rages
It will burn itself out.
And yet the flames will find new fuel
In old memories once forgotten
Or old wounds that never heal.
How do you let go of being hurt by the first ones who were supposed to love you?
How do I find a way to travel through the **** black holes in my survival driven soul?
I want an apology I never got
And I know better than to think I ever will
I want you to be sorry for the things that you are not
Somehow I have to make my mind's raging waves be still.
No one can force remorse.
Somehow I have to make my peace with the way it's always been.
Find good memories to come between me and the past
Pray it will be enough and the anger will end.
Sometimes I want to put my hands around my own neck
And choke myself to death.
Put a pillow over my own face,
Smother my twitching body till I have no breath.
Some days my hands are itching to grab a knife and stab
Over and over into flesh and blood
My own? I don't know.
There's no one I hate enough to ****
Except the person in the mirror at home.
Sometimes I think of car accidents
Picture ****** face against broken glass
Sudden death at the end of the road
Twisted mass of metal mixed with bone.
Some days I look down and wonder why I haven't jumped
I don't fear the stop but I fear the fall.
Being high up has never scared me before
Neither has the way the void calls
It doesn’t scare me now.
I’m kissing life, standing on the edge of the bridge
Are we kissing goodbye or hello?
I haven’t decided.
Some days, it’s still a tie between stay and go.
You and I are two souls fighting to be the same body
We wish to absorb both into one
Merge lips, merge tongue, merge flesh and bone
We each claw to have executive power
We don't want to be together but we don't want to be alone.
We are hate stronger than immovable force
We are love as an immovable object
I will not be stopped
You will not be moved
Let the battle to see who is wrong begin.
Whoever is standing in the end will win.
All is fair in love and war
And when it's both, rules are no more
I'll use my teeth and nails to make you bare
I'll torture you until you can no longer endure
You'll bow to my will like a **** in the wind
And I will be your master in the end.
So in hand to hand combat let us make love
What we could not say with kisses
Let us tell with blows
Leave your marks upon my skin
For neither of us can be gentle again.
Come on, let's go to blows over it
I'm tired of disagreeing and doing nothing
Inside I'm a tropical storm
Soon I will be a hurricane and nothing will stop me.
Admit it, war is what you wanted
I've never been Gandhi, but fighting was never my aim.
You started a fire and brought out the petrol
Watch, I'm laughing as I dance through the flames.
Untouchable as lightning in a thunderstorm
If you reach for me, I will burn you alive
Enough talking, words are like banging metal
I think if you keep making excuses for yourself
The clashing in my head will take over.
The fire is rising and so is my anger.
Drumbeats in my head, heat in my lungs
I'll make you burn down the forest to get me alone
Destroy everything you love, do what must be done
Only when there's nothing left will you see what you've become.
I have made you become everything I know you hate.
Did you think, after all I've done
That it would be you who could bleed me?
Don't you know?
There is nothing left to bleed.
Come if you dare, let's make each other bruise
Sticks and stones and breaking bones
Pain is nothing
When you are already numb.
How can you bleed
From icy limbs where nothing runs
No blood drips, no red remains
It's like killing a corpse
You're trying to drain my empty veins.
Blood, death, power, killing, fighting, strength, fear, metaphor
My heart is too wild
I’ve loved too much, maybe
Handing out pieces of myself
Showing my soul too freely
Guilty of wanting too much
Guilty of taking until they hate me.
I know I stay too long
And take more than I should.
And I’m forever admitting that I’m wrong
Because I am, and we both know it.
I take the good in people and waste it
It’s wasted on me
Like a pitcher of water is wasted on a wildfire.
I’m a terror, because I don’t lie about love
But I can’t accept yours.
So what you give me evaporates
You will leave spent, but I will want more.
I know better-don’t we all?
And none of us learned any lessons
From pain that hurt this badly
Nor from love that healed our miseries.
Guilty of keeping score
Guilty of losing my self-control
Never enough and always too much.
Does it matter, when I am a speck of dust
In an infinite number of particles
What I’ve done and what I haven’t?
It matters only to me
For you, for one moment it hurts
But tomorrow you are free
And afterwards, when tomorrow comes
I am still guilty.
It wasn't me.
I am too late and so are you.
Maybe our parents also were
And those before them too.
Does it matter?
We are all failures
The generation of expectations
Now all washed out and dried up.
Last efforts for lost causes
Final notes of the funeral march.
It is we who will preach the services
And lower Mother Earth's casket.
After that, who will be there
To bury us in the end?
When there's nothing left to bury
And no Earth to lay us in?