they say money can't buy happiness

tell it to the girl who shamelessly googles "how to DIY everything when you have zero budget"
who can finally breathe with ease when bills are paid and the table is not empty

seeing others with outstreached smiles and perfect white teeth that never worries about whether or not we can survive the week without drowning in debts,
never fails to remind me how money can buy expensive smiles like for sale happy pills
happiness is such a foreign language that does not exist here
at least not something we can afford

money can't buy happiness
tell it to my father who trades health for cash
who have long ago wasted the abundance of wealth on drugs and liquors
as i watch the sunshine slip on his fingers i knew that he will forever suffer the consequences- house bills, college, meals, sanity, children's hatred, children's sanity, children's rusted future

money can't buy happiness?
tell it to my mother who sells smiles for food
charming, soft, survivor
but one can never unsee the darkness carved by growing up living in scraps, hidden somewhere in that weight she carries on her shoulders
doing everything to survive and to stay afloat
she who have learned that real weakness exist in poverty

tell it to my family
who have spent restless nights fighting over bills than sharing laughter at the dinner table
because dinner table is a small wooden table and there is never enough room to contain the hunger, hatred and rage we each keep to ourselves
for every talk ends up in arguments,
pointing fingers, knuckles on walls, shattered pieces of glasses on the floor, knife on my mother's hand,
cursing, cursing, cursing..
ears i wish i could cut off
laughter is a privilege we do not feel entitled because there are too many other things to worry about
ask them if they have found happiness yet
and we will answer in chorus: what do you think?