Apr 2017
Today, I woke up with a dream that made me think it wasn't real. I guess I didn't want to be trapped in an illusion no matter how lovely it was.
It started with intramurals only it was different. It was a combination of Southville, SJA and SJDEF. I wondered why I wasn't with you from the beginning then I caught a small sight of you, living your life, playing and just being where you wanted to be and I kept thinking that you wanted to be somewhere I wasn't. I was around, having glimpses of me playing then stoping, too. I saw sir Bal setting up a Karaoke system, some former officers like Shannen. Then there was a line for those who wants to join table tennis and you were there. You were standing in line. They were picking 3 people and they didn't choose you. I was about to comfort you, I almost ran but then she hugged me. Maian hugged me because she got in and all I said was "why are you being sweet to me?" and I don't remember her answer anymore. You looked at me and I was so close then you ran somewhere. I followed you up the stairs then I saw you having your medical examination, the nurse making you sit then you just standing, waiting for your turn, looking at me then looking away. You made me long for you in ways only you could in a dream I was already aware of. Then Nikki came. We were circling the place that looked like SJD that then turned into southville as you walk further and we weren't allowed to go to places we went. I was aware we were visitors then after I became a student. I saw my Biology teacher and she gave Nikki at task. It had graphic novels and different documents then we kept on asking what it was then she said she had to run and keep it safe. She ran and ran through a dark narrow alley then she came out to a forest. There were guns, there were planes that were like cars or alien hoverthingies. They were shooting, chasing and grabbing her and she emerged strong but it wasn't nikki anymore that I was seeing, it was me. I was running and getting beaten up but then I went out of the screen and saw it was just an episode. I was sitting in a movie chair. And you guys walked in just when the credits rolled. There was wifi and Chel pmed me to go to the sports field because Aliah was singing in the Kareoke. I checked my watch, it was 6 pm. I needed to go home. Then you saw me, you sat next to me. I felt sad and irritated but happy because finally, after a long day of wanting you next to me without me asking you to be... You were. I kept thinking of the things before that. I said in my head na "buti pa sila nagagawa to for me eh siya lumapit lang di pa magawa" then we were talking and I felt like you were forcing yourself to talk to me. So I stopped. I got up, walked to the sports field at sunset and you were walking, following me, trying to talk and all I could think of is how it was all a dream and how much I don't want it because it was one. I wanted it in real life. I didn't want a dream that would end when I wake up and then only I would know. I didn't want to long for you in dreams that would never happen because longing for you in reality is already a burden. And you wouldn't know this in the fear that you won't care when I tell you. I guess you're keeping distance and I, shouldn't reach out to places I can't.
It started with intramurals only it was different. It was a combination of Southville, SJA and SJDEF. I wondered why I wasn't with you from the beginning then I caught a small sight of you, living your life, playing and just being where you wanted to be and I kept thinking that you wanted to be somewhere I wasn't. I was around, having glimpses of me playing then stoping, too. I saw sir Bal setting up a Karaoke system, some former officers like Shannen. Then there was a line for those who wants to join table tennis and you were there. You were standing in line. They were picking 3 people and they didn't choose you. I was about to comfort you, I almost ran but then she hugged me. Maian hugged me because she got in and all I said was "why are you being sweet to me?" and I don't remember her answer anymore. You looked at me and I was so close then you ran somewhere. I followed you up the stairs then I saw you having your medical examination, the nurse making you sit then you just standing, waiting for your turn, looking at me then looking away. You made me long for you in ways only you could in a dream I was already aware of. Then Nikki came. We were circling the place that looked like SJD that then turned into southville as you walk further and we weren't allowed to go to places we went. I was aware we were visitors then after I became a student. I saw my Biology teacher and she gave Nikki at task. It had graphic novels and different documents then we kept on asking what it was then she said she had to run and keep it safe. She ran and ran through a dark narrow alley then she came out to a forest. There were guns, there were planes that were like cars or alien hoverthingies. They were shooting, chasing and grabbing her and she emerged strong but it wasn't nikki anymore that I was seeing, it was me. I was running and getting beaten up but then I went out of the screen and saw it was just an episode. I was sitting in a movie chair. And you guys walked in just when the credits rolled. There was wifi and Chel pmed me to go to the sports field because Aliah was singing in the Kareoke. I checked my watch, it was 6 pm. I needed to go home. Then you saw me, you sat next to me. I felt sad and irritated but happy because finally, after a long day of wanting you next to me without me asking you to be... You were. I kept thinking of the things before that. I said in my head na "buti pa sila nagagawa to for me eh siya lumapit lang di pa magawa" then we were talking and I felt like you were forcing yourself to talk to me. So I stopped. I got up, walked to the sports field at sunset and you were walking, following me, trying to talk and all I could think of is how it was all a dream and how much I don't want it because it was one. I wanted it in real life. I didn't want a dream that would end when I wake up and then only I would know. I didn't want to long for you in dreams that would never happen because longing for you in reality is already a burden. And you wouldn't know this in the fear that you won't care when I tell you. I guess you're keeping distance and I, shouldn't reach out to places I can't.
