the middle bedroom:
brother's torn futon pointed at the television
he controls the neon animated race car
sister sits on the top mattress practicing
braids on her doll's golden locks
the youngest lay below with the her cousin behind
everything seems fine

until she feels his warm palm stretch across
her innocent hip
steadily inching his way into her ruffled *******
and making her touch the untouchable

she couldn’t even tie her shoes.

the bathroom:
pain began to suffocate her
a razor blade made pretty lines along her thighs
blue face refused air under the grimy water of a tub
a lanyard wrapped around her neck twice to extinguish any oxygen
thirteen caps of sleeping medicine

she couldn’t even drive a car.

the cheap hostel:
one too many ciders in the berlin pub
the gentleman grabs her hand
clumsily walks her home
“stop.”
it was all a blur when he led her upstairs
when he took off their clothes
when she said no
when he never stopped

she couldn’t even legally drink.

memories burned and ashes buried
she needed to let go.

life was now perceived as a kaleidoscope of meaning
each color representing a state of mindfulness
and for her to attain the sacred
metamorphosis of nirvana
she accepted that attachment is the root of all suffering

a radical change was desperately required
because happiness is a warm gun.

she shot her past self
from her present existence
and now life was in her control.