Every day feels the same.

I wear the same checkered shirts, eat the same food, go to the same classes, cry at the same story.

It never changes. And it never ends.

My life continues to be a TV drama gone wrong and all I want to do is burn it all. My shoulders are too high, shaking in 3 second shockwaves. My face is losing colour and life. The energy drained from my body. Strength beaten out of my arms and back.

There is not a whole lot of me left. So don't go looking for the living among the dead. Not if the host's body is already a graveyard.

Not a lot left to lose except for my own lone life. But I'm thanatophobic so an empty threat suicide isn't really doing anything.

And no, I don't want to hear about how "good of a person I am".

It makes me sick, I'm sick of hearing about how this is going to get better. I do not care to hear how it is "so easy" to just switch back to how I used to be.

It is never that easy.

I don't care if I can make this better, because right now, it is not up to me.

What I do, does not matter.

There will be no justice...

And no forgiveness.

At least I'm still in pain. It assures me that I am feeling anything at all.