Abuse can be present and still be so subtle that the person doing the abuse and the person experiencing the abuse don’t realize what is happening at the time. Not everything is text-book perfect, in life. Not everything is black and white. Abuse isn’t always intentional. Screaming every day, ignoring every day, choosing partners over child, choosing partners’ offspring over your own child, belittling, singling out, calling out, never touching, quick changing-environments (moving in with boyfriend’s after only a couple months, risking child’s safety—which includes mental health)…..is a form of abuse and neglect.  Please understand that I must emphasize how this was literally every day of my life. Constant chaos is all I know.

I am a warrior. I just haven’t reached the good part of that story in my life, yet. I like to think someday, all this **** I went through was for something.  I hope that something is me becoming strong. I hope I truly understand how to use the pain of the past as a tool to get me through tougher times. I hope that this wasn’t all for nothing. I will never recreate that hell for my own child, that’s for sure.