Your voice is like a silent whisper that I no longer wish to hear
On any given day it breaks me down like the soft hiss and hush of waves working to break the levee
I feel your voice speaking from inside my cheeks
It feels like forever and I still can't seem to shake you from my skin how I say things the way you used to say them
how I sometimes think about things that make me uncomfortable and say your name out loud to halt my thought's direction
I ******* miss you but I don't want to miss you anymore
Moving on is the dilemma for ghosts Who have nothing left to hold on to
I can't hold your ghost There are people here who are still perfectly capable of holding me
And when I see you again Maybe you won't be able to hold me
Because I imagine heaven is energy
I know this in the way my skin still heats up at the thought of your touch you move my molecules a fire-friction-engine-rumble
You are energy and this is how I know you are happy because there isn't anything else you can be
This is how I know heaven is real God is a ball of light that feels like a fiery smile when you touch it
But I still hear your voice at night and maybe your memories creep up like epiphany shivers like
oh This is just me missing you I am still human and I am allowed to do silly human things
Because I am alive and so much self preservation I haven't let you go yet
Which is why I still hear you reminding me to do stupid things like take care of myself and to not hang my head so wrecking-ball heavy unless I am finally breaking down my own walls to sucker punch my gut in order to remind my lungs that even without you here the air still tastes so sweet
Reset my suckerpunch to gasp to fight for inhale to understand that my own breath still tastes so sweet